An author's process...nobody's business?
Last month I wrote this wonderfully passionate and angry post about one of my most favourite authors. The fear of being sued tormented my dreams that night, so I deleted it. Also maybe because I felt a pang of guilt when I realized I was being really mean. After all,
she is one of
my most favourite authors.
She came to Toronto for a reading of her new book and I (the celebrity-struck person I am) just
had to see the real flesh and blood of her. I also wanted to pick her brain or, at least, watch others do it in a Q&A.
Standing in line to have my copy of
Interpreter of Maladies autographed I don't really know what I expected from meeting her. Perhaps that she would have some profound words of wisdom that would somehow render me the next literary genius. Or, maybe that she would offer some inspiring story that would motivate me to make an attempt at writing fiction. In the end, when I walked up to her little table and held my book out to be signed, nervousness hit me and I only managed to ask, "What is your process when you begin a new book? Do you brainstorm a flurry of ideas, or do you have a more structured approach?"
Her answer: "Many stories come from many places." Add in a roll of the eyes and an awkward quiver in her voice.
I was crushed.
Justifying my unhealthy obsession.
I've decided that I have a problem. I know it's a very common one, but I think that in my case it's starting to border on (as the junky would say) seriously unhealthy: I am only attracted to men I can't have. I mean ONLY those men - not the gorgeous, single men who walk by, but the gorgeous men who walk by holding hands with a woman. And, it doesn't just stop with men already involved in relationships. It's also the gorgeous men who are emotionally unavailable or commitment phobes, the gorgeous men who are friends of your ex(es), and let's not forget the gorgeous men who at some point dated your friend(s).
The catalogue of different types of unattainable men could go on and on. Maybe that's my problem. The catalogue of
available men is so unappealing that it has thrust me in completely the opposite direction. You let me know if any of these men wouldn't also get you thinking that that eye candy on the hottie's arm is nothing more than an obstacle to be knocked down:
- Available man #1: He's desperate and sleazy, and will try to get with anything with tits
- Available man #2: He says he loves you after one week of dating
- Available man #3: He proposes to you after three weeks of dating
- Available man #4: He thinks he's God's gift to women
- Available man #5: He's hot, smart and sophisticated, but is really bad in bed (imagine a suction cup filled with slobber on your face)
- Available man #6: He's just plain sleazy and creepy
- Available man #7: He's a blast to hang around with, until you realize he's still making jokes when something serious has happened (i.e., a death, car accident, etc.)
- Available man #8: He's really, really awkward
- Available man #9: He claims he's 26, but he acts like he's 17 (and lives like it too in his parents' basement)
- Available man #10: He's just random - loves you one minute and is m.i.a. the next (I'm still on the fence about this one because, in theory, the random ones are likely already in a relationship and are just cheating on their girlfriends with you)
- Available man #11: He's handsome, has a great personality, seems wonderful, but stutters when you tell him what your job is and that you have a mortgage
- Available man #12: He's wonderful and tells you he loves and then you run into his wife/girlfriend while shopping (again, bordering on the other side of the fence, but you didn't know he was unattainable until you met her!)
- Available man #13: When you tell him you lived in Cairo, he asks if Cairo is in India or if it's the other way around.
- Available man #14: When dropping you home after your first date, you notice the child car seat in the back.
- Available man #15: He's 43, divorced with a two year old child, is your senior coworker and wants to know when you both are going on your first date.
There are more, but I think this is a sufficient sample to help you make your decision. Now
you tell me how great that man holding his girlfriend's hand looks!
