Justifying my unhealthy obsession.
I've decided that I have a problem. I know it's a very common one, but I think that in my case it's starting to border on (as the junky would say) seriously unhealthy: I am only attracted to men I can't have. I mean ONLY those men - not the gorgeous, single men who walk by, but the gorgeous men who walk by holding hands with a woman. And, it doesn't just stop with men already involved in relationships. It's also the gorgeous men who are emotionally unavailable or commitment phobes, the gorgeous men who are friends of your ex(es), and let's not forget the gorgeous men who at some point dated your friend(s).The catalogue of different types of unattainable men could go on and on. Maybe that's my problem. The catalogue of available men is so unappealing that it has thrust me in completely the opposite direction. You let me know if any of these men wouldn't also get you thinking that that eye candy on the hottie's arm is nothing more than an obstacle to be knocked down:
- Available man #1: He's desperate and sleazy, and will try to get with anything with tits
- Available man #2: He says he loves you after one week of dating
- Available man #3: He proposes to you after three weeks of dating
- Available man #4: He thinks he's God's gift to women
- Available man #5: He's hot, smart and sophisticated, but is really bad in bed (imagine a suction cup filled with slobber on your face)
- Available man #6: He's just plain sleazy and creepy
- Available man #7: He's a blast to hang around with, until you realize he's still making jokes when something serious has happened (i.e., a death, car accident, etc.)
- Available man #8: He's really, really awkward
- Available man #9: He claims he's 26, but he acts like he's 17 (and lives like it too in his parents' basement)
- Available man #10: He's just random - loves you one minute and is m.i.a. the next (I'm still on the fence about this one because, in theory, the random ones are likely already in a relationship and are just cheating on their girlfriends with you)
- Available man #11: He's handsome, has a great personality, seems wonderful, but stutters when you tell him what your job is and that you have a mortgage
- Available man #12: He's wonderful and tells you he loves and then you run into his wife/girlfriend while shopping (again, bordering on the other side of the fence, but you didn't know he was unattainable until you met her!)
- Available man #13: When you tell him you lived in Cairo, he asks if Cairo is in India or if it's the other way around.
- Available man #14: When dropping you home after your first date, you notice the child car seat in the back.
- Available man #15: He's 43, divorced with a two year old child, is your senior coworker and wants to know when you both are going on your first date.
posted by Jinkerjacket @ 3:19 PM
8 Comments:
I've met those men. My fav is #3. And a car seat can be misleading...I've often had to explain to people that I don't have children, I have nephews and thus, car seats. I could see it in their eyes that they didn't believe me.
Lol I've dated or been hit on by all of these men...such a sad, sad collection they are. and yes, I suppose the car seat could be misleading, but in this case, it was spot on. and his story continued...he had a child..and the child lived with him as did the child's mother..who was ex but they were no longer together they just lived together. yep...you read correctly.
oh...i...see...
no wait, i don't see at all.. that's just messed up
Nai, it's Ken... LOL, too funny
hahaha, love it! and the funnier thing is that i think i know each one of these "men" that you're talking about. and i put men in quotation marks, because they're stupid little boys really.
as they say you gotta go through the sleazy, dumb, disrespectful assholes before you get to the good ones!
lol that's awful that you can recognize each of them! heaheah....gosh i should make this a recurring column because i have soooo many more examples!
and no..the good ones are already taken!!
Available Guy #16: He's Gorgeous, smart, sexy and is just not into you. He thinks of you as a "friend"
lol absolutely yes! i completely forgot about "the friend"
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