Jinkerjacket's Closet

3 weeks...ova and dun with...

Tomorrow will make 21 days since I quit smoking. Three long, painful, arduous weeks. I never really thought it would be this difficult; nor did I think there would be moments where I'd be driven to tears because I wanted to smoke so badly. I saw this little aussie flick a while ago with Heath Ledger in it - Candy. And there's this scene in the movie where he and his girlfriend (they're heroin addicts) are trying to quit so they lock themselves in a room with all the essentials they'll need as their bodies go through withdrawal. There's a moment where they're just writhing in bed and wretching...and just bawling. By no means am I comparing nicotine addiction to heroin addiction, but in all honesty, I never felt like an addict until I saw myself behaving exactly the same way those characters did in that scene. Trying to let go of an addiction (an addiction of ANY kind) just makes you do things you never thought you would do. It makes you unreasonable and unruly, and emotional as hell. And it doesn't just affect the addict who's trying to quit, but it affects everyone around them. I'm quite sure that had it not been for my very supportive friends (who threaten to smack me if i ever smoke again!), I would have relapsed by now.

They say the first three weeks are the worst, and that once you make it through those first weeks, the rest will be a breeze. I hardly doubt that not smoking for the rest of my life will be a breeze. When you spend most of your life as a smoker, rediscovering your identity as a person who doesn't smoke is a big challenge; and, I think that has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I've always been a smoker - it's been a very large part of my life, and a large part of who I am (which is sad, I know). Maybe I could just be a smoker who doesn't smoke anymore? That sounds a lot better than non-smoker!

posted by Jinkerjacket @ 7:54 PM